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Monday, November 18th, 2002
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so sudden choice of direction for tomorrow and i'm accompanying rob and pez to glasgow to see the mighty 'a' in concert. early start aside - up, shower, pack, phone barrowlands, go to train station, get train ticket, get on train, end up trolleyed before glasgow, carry on being trolleyed more than likelloyd, go see 'a', who knows what after that? goldfinger and voodoo glow skulls supporting. should be goooooood :)
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Friday, November 15th, 2002
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how many songs can exist in the world ironically titled 'untitled'? five pointe o even called their fecking album 'untitled'. think of some names dammit you lazy bugs!
finished my english essay. badabing. hand it in before my 10 o clock tutorial that i'm going to which should be about those poems i read fingers crossed but might be about great expectations in which case eeek! 'cause i haven't read it but i vaguely remember watching it on tv years and years ago which probably won't help at all...still what's the worst they can do to me? probably a lot less than i could do to them bwahahahahaha!
a bag of sour gummy worms has sat beside me all night and not been eaten - the snowflake was not so lucky and was consumed white chocolate and black chocolate alike (yet another example of non-racialist eating - promote it in your community today) although i did eat a banana first as i promised janice so that perhaps tempers some of the chocolatey goodness with the yellow filth contained within.
( it gets worse )
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never lost another friend that didn't make her care
never thought that life would pass her by
rather kick and scratch than just stop and stare
wistful dreams of warm bed sheets
and people who she wished she'd meet
meant lonely evenings in and darkened sobs
and phoning the last little girl that life forgot
they've all left or disappeared
and some just don't care enough anymore
she feels like another mistake
another mistake like the ones before
just pretend that she's not worth it
everything's nothing if no one's aware
deepest eyes you've ever seen
drowned and frozen in an icy stare
the needle's left to twist inside
life keeps on or so they said
another dripping heart is worn
from this we learn that nothing's wrong
we need a little light in life
some unspilt love just to be polite
don't keep the lovesick's arm at bay
surely you can think of something to say
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Wednesday, November 13th, 2002
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although the flowers petals swooned
still some stood there feeling ill
wonders hopefully soon cease
absent hearts grew fonder still
cessation of a grating laugh
perhaps another hanging's due
one more dead poetic soul
the mist will have you soon
worry not about the rest
as they feel the hate and fear
i'd lick each of your fingertips
as i slit your throat my dear
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stolen from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) seahawk
**** THE PROOF THAT vamphyric IS EVIL ****
V A M P H Y R I C
22 1 13 16 8 25 18 9 3 - as numbers
4 1 4 7 8 7 9 9 3 - digits added
\_____/ \_____/ \_____/ \_____/ \_/
5 2 6 9 3 - digits added
Thus, "vamphyric" is 52693.
Divide by 79, the year Vesuvius erupted - the result is 667.
Add 9391 to it - this is the year WW II started, written backwards - you will get 10058.
Subtract 1, the number of unity . The result will be 10057.
Subtract 1895, the year Rudolph Hess was born. The result will be 8162.
Turn the number backwards, subtract 1952 - the year killer fog haunted London. The number is now 666.
The number 666 is the number of the Beast.
This clearly proves how evil the subject is. QED.
**** THE PROOF THAT the marn IS EVIL ****
T H E M A R N
84 72 69 77 65 82 78 - as ASCII values
3 9 6 5 2 1 6 - digits added
\_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_________/
3 9 6 5 9 - digits added
Thus, "the marn" is 39659.
Add 1876, the year first crematorium in the United States opened - the result is 41535.
Add 1937, the year Saddam Hussein twins were born - the result is 43472.
Turn the number backwards, and add 1929 - the year Bingo was invented, taking many lives in years to come. The number is now 29363.
Subtract 9791 from the number - this is the year Voluntary Euthanasia Society published how-to-do-it suicide guide, written backwards. It gives 19572.
Subtract 9691 from the number - this is the year of Woodstock, written backwards. It gives 9881.
This number, read from right to left, is 1889, or the year Adolf Hitler was born.
No further questions. QED.
find out if you are evil
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Wednesday, November 6th, 2002
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does anyone know a website that has cover art (front and back) for cd albums that i can print out for cds i've copied?
king adora gig tomorrow. rock and indeed sleazy roll. :D
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Monday, October 28th, 2002
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now i've got crisps and dip and i'm away to watch natural born killers (which i put in the vcr with the wrapping still on it at first :/) - shouldn't this be a late evening activity?
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well it seems like i rarely update theese beast of a journal these days but i'll make a mondo mondo entry just now hopefull-y and that'll make me feel a bit less like my life's spiralling out of control. at least if i can read it i can remember what happened...
( you know you're right )
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Monday, October 21st, 2002
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has anyone read 'the demon lover' by elizabeth bowen and done a critical analysis of it or whatever? i'm just needing alternative viewpoints or whatever as to what the hell the point of the whole thing is? cheeers!
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Thursday, October 17th, 2002
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saw miss black america last night supported by parva and for once was more impressed with the support than the main act. most pleasing. bought a white parva t-shirt (shame it's not violet - geddit? parva violet?? oh please yourself...) as there was no mba merchandise on show which was also strange.
i like miss black america a lot on record but the singer just seemed like a twat. they never played "don't speak my mind" either and that's my favouritest song at the momentas phil can attest to after being woken up by it the other day. at about 2:30pm :P
meal last night with jan was most delicious which consisted of king prawns/green salad for starters, main courses were fillet steak and pepper sauce for me and thai style seafood medley thing for jan (i think that's what it was anyhoo) and for dessert jan had a parfait thing and i had a glayva liquer. nyum nyum nyum.
so i'm actually hurrying off to uni. sorry to the peeps on msn that started conversations just as i was leaving but i wanna get to the offices and not look like a lazy foo'. like mill. :P GET OUT OF BED MILL!
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Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
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well i DID get tickets to the gig last night. only the mighty beth orton aside! hoorah! i didn't know ed harcourt was supporting so i missed him but would've gone earlier if i'd known. beth and her band were really really good - highlights for me were 'concrete sky', 'best bit' and 'mount washington'. 'she cries your name' was really good as well but that's a bit obvious to pick :P
they played for 2 hours and did 2 encores so hoorah for that even though i hate the whole fannying about of doing encores. i bought a yellow t-shirt with 'daybreaker' on the front and the tour listing on the back which pleases me greatly and lo i didn't even mind getting soaked in the rain on the way back for i was so happ-y. :D:D:D
so quite a lot of gigs coming up soon. two year anniversary with the lovely jan coincides with the miss black america gig on wednesday so a meal at the stage door eatery first and then onto miss black america :) friday is kathryn williams at the lemon tree (not sure who's going to that or if there's tickets even left), violent delight are playing around the same time as queen adreena which is the 28th and the 6th of november is the mighty mighty king adora which'll be the 3rd time i've seen them. i'll miss fony and kid galahad (again) 'cause of gig clashes but aberdeen's doing pretty damn well for gigs right now.
the main thing's my 2 year anniversary with jan :) here's to another two years cakes and hopefulloyd i'll be around annoying you forever in a anne of gg/gilbert grape fashion ;)
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Sunday, October 13th, 2002
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Friday, October 11th, 2002
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argh! once again i get up early before realising that i don't have to be at uni >,<
i think i'll go in anyways to see if i have to register on the computers and i can buy the two/three books and course guides that i need. better watch i'm not buying guides when there's a lecture on or anything for my ass shalt be fried by a twitchy desk attendant so it shall.
i bought the monstro pod pedal for my guitar that i wanted and also got two leads, new strings that i've stuck on and a nice red strap for it as well. it's kinda like it's finally MY guitar now as i'd borrowed leads/a strap from mill and some of the strings were on it when i got it but now it's all mine and has sparkly stars, stickers and electrical tape on it aussi. hoorah! she's a roight little beauty so she is.
thanks to mofette and crypx i've become addicted to the majesty that is weebl and bob. i now plan to go to uni and then spend my day creating a tribute to their genius!
i like to dance...and hide things but i could not paint hiding things...
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Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
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don't you fear when you're eating something and watching a film or on the pc and then you look down and there isn't as much waffleage/whatever else as there once was?
creep-y.
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damn these safeway waffles are good yo'! they seem to have lumps of sugar in them which is always a good thing :) perfect breakfast fodder - hot and sugary.
still haven't got beth orton tickets. eep! must remember to do that today. going to pick up those two bikes with mill at some point but we might go to r'n'b music first and i thinketh i should buy one of those magnificent pod pedals. hoorah! i need an extra lead or two methinks and a new strap for the geetar would be nice as well. i also kinda want to get some sheet music but you can get so many tabs on the internet i feel ripped off.
so plan goes. waffles. make myself look purrty to the tunes of the murderdolls. get my stuff together and wait for mill to come home. library. music hall (re:beth orton). r'n'b. home. bike shop. home. whatever.
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Tuesday, October 8th, 2002
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got my queen adreena ticket which is only ticket number 9 sold :S hope there's a good crowd 'cause they're an excellent band. there's no posters up anywhere about it though so i s'pose that's counting towards slow sales so far.
can't find library cds...
things to do today:
*hang out washing
*do dishes at some point
*buy beth orton tickets for sundays gig
*look through cds for library ones and take them back
*ponder over buying kathryn williams tickets
i'm not sure if i'm going to see kathryn williams or not - i seem to remember the gig might clash with something else but can't remember what that is. ho hum.
anyways i've got some waffles to eat and then the washing's getting hung out.
mill's still in his bed :P
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Saturday, October 5th, 2002
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hmmmmmmmmm i got up earlyish and had a shower but now instead of going to get my bike and taking it to the bike making alive again place i'm just gonna sit on my ass and maybe have some toast for breakfast. or something else for breakfast. i think there's yoghurts going out of date.
really enjoyed yesterday just farting about in the flat. my last day of faffing since i'm back to uni proper next week and working all weekend. did some dishes and couldn't be arsed getting the cd played so just sang and hummed away to myself and then watched some of mallrats and some of the last wwe pay-per-view and general tvness while eating a tea fit for a king of savoury wedges and hot 'n' spicy prawns with milk way mousse for dessert. 3 large white russians, 2 bottles of beer and a couple of glasses of wine made for a jolly fuzz to accompany me on my day without me being too eeseless and had a general fartabout with jan and mill on instrumental jauntiness. woohah!
grumbleduke may not be dead but only hibernating still. he's not stiff yet and he doesn't smell any worse than you'd smell if you lay about and didn't wash. i think i'll go rescue him tonight by playing the sympathy card with barry and mhairi and getting a lift from them and then the other two flatmates'll just have to suffer the heat as i try and revive the puir beastie.
*fingers crossed please everyone*
[edit: he's dead according to the vet but then we kinda already knew that i s'pose :S
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Tuesday, October 1st, 2002
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just a little update dedicated to the memory of grumbleduke who was my hamster until yesterday when he sadly passed away.
we're not really sure if it's just that it's too cold in the lobby (but he's survived a fair while if it was) or if he couldn't work his water bottle (none of us can remember seeing him drink out of it) but i'm going to bury him later on today i think.
it's weird 'cause i feel like i'm about 9 or something. i was really sad when i saw him lying there all cold in his bed :( i s'pose it's the memories of being so upset when i was younger and having hamsters die. anyways i'll try and update later on when i feel a bit more perky.
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Sunday, September 29th, 2002
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went to see the wildhearts on friday night. sounded really really good and played an encore once the city of aberdeen had bought them 12 pints. one of said pints got chucked out of the dressing room window to us down below and another got poured into some lucky souls mouth. they also flung pornography at us as well. rock 'n' roll dude!
slight disappointment at missing out on queens of the stone age and red hot chili peppers tickets but it's not the end of the world. queen adreena, beth orton, goldrush, miss black america and alabama 3 are all playing aberdeen soonish so that'll hopefully make up for it.
i need toast and then i'm off to work.
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Tuesday, September 24th, 2002
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i try to stay warm but i'm cool from within
and everyone's telling me i've got way too thin
the tears clean the sticky dark blood from my skin
i don't like lost control but that's my one sin
i try to start anew but where to begin?
it's only the sad songs that i seem to sing
i snatched a kiss and broke a heart forever
i poisoned a pen and wrote a virulent letter
i caused the hurt and still thought i was better
an envelope and a heart and you're still not together
makes you wonder if love's really what we're all fighting for
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shackled to my only love
forever watching for hail from above
heartbroken, pushes turn to shoves
never getting close enough
sprinkle footsteps on my path
in the snow you leave your tracks
marks upon the road between
a poisoned well and a silver dream
the seas they came and they carried you away
and more hurt was caused by what people didn't say
and all along i was wishing that you would
run away with me and then we'd always be together
no one telling us that we don't understand
and i'd be wide awake when you were talking
baited breath for what awaits
make me feel safe with reassurance
when we wake we're still holding hands
sitting speaking to the walls
ears absorb memories after all
one day's just another now
another black rose falling to the floor
if nothing else remember that i only ever loved you
i only ever loved you with all i ever had
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Monday, September 23rd, 2002
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news bit on tv about trying to get celtic fans to stop singing republican songs at celtic games. the board sent out letters to season ticket holders urging them to quit it and not to support people who were singing the songs which of course just riled them up and made them sing non-stop for the first 20 minutes.
apparently the board are still confident that they can stamp it out as it's a "small but vocal minority" that are causing the trouble. celtic park holds 60,000 or something doesn't it? muppets.
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Saturday, September 21st, 2002
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by now i realize
that all will be forgotten
by now we should have noticed
arms raised never got us anything
the sky could open
and all we'd get is soaking wet
my arms are open
the reasons for i do forget
the sun shines down on me
the same sun shines on everyone
humble as we realise
life for you has just begun
we look around ourselves
as if sharing broken dreams
everybody hurts
at least that's how it seems
if nothing lasts forever
let no stone be unturned
and if love or hate is better
it's just another lesson learned
won't anybody hear this
somebody who can tell
everyone and everything
that everything is well
and if anybody hears this
and they've got some truth to sell
i'd like to buy a piece or two
before i bid this life farewell
a song is just another prayer
a prayer that shouldn't go unanswered
a song is just a cry for help
a cry that's waiting for your answer
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Tuesday, September 17th, 2002
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finally i can re-enter the world of livejournal. bt still hate myself and my family so there is no internet at my old house but the lovely people at virgin are nicer and so we've got the pc set up and i have moved into a lovely flat with jan and pheel. everyone keeps saying it's awfully expensive but for the freedom and generally betterness that the flat affords i say that it is most worth it indeedy.
i'm 20 years old now and no wiser for it. you don't feel any different. it's a bit bizarro 'cause everyone belts on about not being a teenager and more yadayada and then it's exactly the same. next year i can be 21 and get the keys to the house. i've moved out though and already got the keys to my flat. i'll have to get a dog kennel or something and visit it frequently during storms.
( andthenandthenandthenandthen )
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Tuesday, August 20th, 2002
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i'm not dead but scum sucking bt internet kicked me off the 'net for violating my user agreement or some shite. they shouldn't advertise it as unlimited use at weekends if i'm only allowed on 12 hours a day. scum. suckers.
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Saturday, July 27th, 2002
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sorry for the lack of rational updates and/or comments. far too busy drinking and being soaked in love and blood and drugs. rock 'n' roll kicks my ass far too much. i'ma drink to the morning and spend work being drunk. and getting paid. kiss my myriad ass.
much love to everyone but more specifically to jan <3
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laughs last but never laughs again
i cut and regret later
and even though i hit her
she still laughs
she still crys
nothing makes me want her more
than when she cries
nothing makes me want her more
than when she cuts
right in my veins
making me scream
making me cry
there's nothing more that i want
than to feel the cold buzz of her
she disapproves
but eventually comes round to my way
and even though she doesn't like it
she cuts
she bleeds
i made her come around to my way of thinking
i hate myself
i bleed more so i can absorb the pain
i sometimes think
i can beat the affliction
nothing making me bleed more
nothing affecting me more
laugh at me
cut me
cut me
cut me
i never even tried to get away
how i sing for them to stop now
but i'm too far now
everything points to me suffering now
everything points for me to suffer now
everything always pointed at me to die
but to take someone with me
die
for me
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nothing in the temples
what shall i do?
nothing in the churches?
where shall i go?
i laugh in my own face
i laugh at the fate of me
i laugh at my own ignorance
i laugh at me
you laugh at me
nothing escapes me
nothing was gained by me
nothing's absorbed by us
a laugh is just a sore on the side of god
a laugh is nothing more than denying your forgiveness
a laugh is what i want to kill me
a drowning's due
a drowning's due
a foetus burning in your lake
never lost my place
never paid my dues
never felt the difference
never tried to feel another's pain
break away your rightness
break away your fear
fucking kill your fever
fucking lose your feelings
what's your life seem now?
i never realised i ate society's shit
until the eaten bled through
until i ate and bled through
until i ate and felt scared
until i ate until i died.
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Thursday, July 18th, 2002
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lost. as i wander down some unknown street i meet people i do not recognise. people who do not matter. as i pass people i say :
"hello. nice weather we're having."
"what the fuck is the purpose of you people??"
nothingness. quite nice actually when you think about it. none of the guilt. none of the anger. none of the i-did-this you-do-this mentality. none of the strangeness. why do you want me to do that? what possible benefit could saying that have to me? benefit to you? aaaah it all becomes clear now. forgiveness? surface forgiveness. never going to be forgotten as long as it's not destroyed. laughter. don't make me fucking GAG.
humour. only in your dreams. or in other people's realities.
how you wish it wasn't you. how everyone wishes that they had someone else's life. how everyone wishes that someone else had their life. oh your TROUBLES! oh the sincere PAIN of it all. how it bleeds and how you can get it tucked away if you've got enough know-how. ka-ching! you've won the sixty billion dollar prize! well done! utter abstinence from your 'truth'. in fact i can give you utter abstinence from their 'truth' as well.
let's keep them guessing. let's all bring everyone into the mud.
at least if we're all covered in the same shit. none of us shine more radiantly.
'til next time fuckers.
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does anyone know what track 4 on the dillinger escape plan's 'calculating infinity' album is called? hheeeeeelllpppp mmeeeeeeeee!!!
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finished work again which is an accomplishment in itself. thanks again to carol and jan for the excellent meal before thursday's festivities and thanks to jan for existing so i could go out for another excellent meal just over 24 hours later. chicken fajitas one day. fillet steak the next. heaven.
( turn around and walk away )
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my teeth fell out in my dream again last night. :(
my puuuuuir teeth.
hulk hogan and jessie 'the body' ventura were in it as well. which was weird. it was set in this western place/asda counters dept. i got chased about by ventura and at the end hogan shot him. this was all enacted to the tune of 'my michelle' by guns 'n' roses.
make of it what you will...
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weird dream last night - in my own house but in a different street. strange and very rich neighbours next door with white 'posh' cat. i'm in the street when the cat gets run over by a car and ends up with this big divot out of it's back with tire marks on it. rhea [my little sister] chunks on the pavement and everyone goes inside. someone's bought two gerbils and they're in a cage at the top of the stairs. one of them gives birth to a baby as i watch and then each of them start mating and making more and more incestuous babies that become more and more deformed and horrible. then they start escaping, my family disappears and for some reason i have to kill them all. highlight killings include the one that got stuck down behind the radiator and i turned it up to full heat so that it frazzled to death and although most were killed by hacking at them with an oversized knife there was one who managed to survive and run about with just it's head and front legs propelling it :S
i'm sure i read about the catching animals thing when i first read about the teeth falling out thing as many of my dreams seem to include people rounding up pets or animals and my teeth falling out. my mum gets the animals one as well. bizarro.
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so i remembered i had another journal where more creative musings are to be had at suicideoverdose so you may be free of all writings by not adding it as a freen. maybe not ALL stuff in there. s'pose it just depends who i'm logged in as when i'm writing it ;)
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The intro to this record is decent, Miss Kittin has some pretty neat vocal effects that's for sure. Top of the line I'd guess. It tells you to prepare yourself for the Swiss way of life, then the rest of the cd is just crappy dance music. If crappy dance music is the Swiss way of life, leave me out man. I'll stay in California.
--Travis Keller
- from buddyhead.com
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"After the Jacksons shattered box-office records at the Nassau Coliseum, Michael went out on one of his rare dates with the opposite sex. After seeing The Wiz for the fourth time, he escorted the musical's tiny, Merman-voiced teenage star, Stephanie Mills, to the chic Park Avenue nightclub Regine's for dinner. Throughout the meal she flirted with him, brushing his hand with hers, bumping his knees under the table, eve, for one fleeting moment, laying her head on his shoulder. With each touch Michael became rigid. And as his discomfort became more and more obvious, their unlikely chaperon for the evening, Andy Warhol, did what he always did best in such prickly social situations. Nothing."
"Eventually the naive Michael asked the obviously gay Warhol why he had never married.
'Don't you want children?' Michael asked."
"Warhol pondered the question for a moment, 'I want children,' he finally replied, 'but not my own.' Michael's response, said another patron at an adjacent table, was to 'smile that sweet angelic smile of his.'"
- both from 'Michael Jackson Unauthorized' by Christopher Andersen
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Thursday, June 27th, 2002
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i'm just adding everyone to both msn messenger and aim that's on my friends list so fear not if you've just been added but aren't sure who by. ignore me just now. feel free to ignore me forever if you want - it just makes me feel big to have more friends on my friends list >8P
i was going to do a proper update but since i've actually managed to tidy some space in my room and file away loads of cd-rs that have been clogging up the pc area [think of all the new albums i just realised i've acquired >8)] i think i'll celebrate by watching blackadder videos and eating pringles. be back online to check for <3jan<3 laters on but i'll speak to anyone who wants me as weel ;)
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flowered policeman come and take me to the painted mausoleum
flowered policeman won't you take me where everybody's grey?
the land of milk and piss where everything goes down the drain
the land where no one feels enough to make them go insane
all the flowers wilted when the sun drew them in near
towards everything that never grew to pretend to be sincere
all the raindrops washed away all of the unclean
when it stopped there was nothing left
and no one to be seen
rain, rain come and stay
wash the fuckers all away
why won't it drown where i am for just one day
cleanse the air and sadness
stop any joy or pain
just let me live in a world of numb and grey
just let me have one day...
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i met a girl called sue today but she was quite plainly crazy. taking the necessary action i stuffed her in a phone box and locked the door with the non-existant lock [she was crazy so this meant that she could not flee]. i knew that i would have to commit her to a mental institution for her and our safety.
i went back to see my freens and when i got there i yelled out "i'm going to have to commit sue aside!"
they locked me in a cupboard and fed me dozens of prozac.
today sucked ass...
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Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
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for some reason i made a joke downstairs featuring a comparison between real lava and the club called lava that went down like a fart at a funeral seeing as no one else in the house actually frequents the club and didn't know what the hell i was on about.
you fool. you poor fool.
oh and thanks for biting my forehead jan - there's a mark that looks like i fell down/got a kicking last night, nice one my san! >8P
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17 June 2002
This year's Leeds Festival may be cancelled after promoters Mean Fiddler were refused a permit to host the mammoth music event which features the only UK appearance by Guns N' Roses.
Local residents were apparently appalled at the state festival site, Temple Newsam Park, was left in after last year's event and the council are withholding the necessary permit.
"The preparations for this year's event have gone well," said Melvin Benn, Managing Director of Mean Fiddler in an official statement. "The Police, the Fire Service, the Ambulance Service and all the Council Officers have raised no objections to the event because of the thoroughness of the preparation that have gone into this year's application.
"However, the issues of last year have played on the minds of the Councillors and local residents and I believe the Councillors have judged last year's event, rather than this year's application. It is an emotional judgement, but I am certain will be overturned at the Magistrate's Court. In fact, I am unsure what reason Leeds City Council will come up with to defend this bizarre decision and I am certain that Leeds Festival goers need not worry about the future of the event. It will go ahead."
Apparently the council have offered to withdraw their objections if departed GN'R axeman Slash rejoins the band!
This better be a flaming joke or someone's gonna get their ass whipped!
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17 Jun 2002
Former Guns N' Roses bassist Michael 'Duff' McKagan will tour the UK next month with his new band Loaded.
Full dates are as follows:
July
19 Manchester, University
20 London, Garage
21 Glasgow, Cathouse
The band's new album album, 'Dark Days', will be released thru Cargo on 15th July.
why call your album 'dark days' so soon after coal chamber released one with the same name like not long ago at all? bizarro.
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pleased.
confused.
contemplative.
cold.
blah.
ditzy.
morose.
awake.
busy.
cranky.
rushed.
distressed.
enthralled.